and I want you, oh oh, more than you will ever know.

the world sputters to almost a complete stop. he feels how the days just fade without much notice, blending into one another. he feels the people burning out. no escape from the grind, working and working and working to just barely scrape by. there are no jobs left for them when they finally get out of years of intensive schooling, no way to pay off the rediculous student fees when you need a post-secondary degree just to work at walmart these days. he wonders why he bothers to work towards these impossible standards. then he realizes, the fight that is going on, the one that will bring the world to its knees once under full swing, will make a difference. things will change and power will be restored to the people, not just the leaders. the other 99% will shine. he is the other 99%. he realizes that his mother's birthday is mere minutes away, realizing he still has things to make. his life seems a little out of control trying to juggle everything, trying to make things acctually work out. the world keeps throwing in obsticles and he keeps jumping the hurdles until he literally cannot breathe enough to move another step. he's crashing, spiralling downwards and there's nothing to do but watch. he needs a break, he needs a life, he needs to figure out how to live off of what he already has.  he doesn't know all the answers but he knows how to be the victim. he knows how to wallow, to break down, to let the world seem unimportant in the wake of the shit that comes his way. he could major in that; fuck, he could teach the course. he knows how to just let it get to him every time he hears her name, sees her picture, remembers a moment. the world wouldn't be the same if he could get past the way life was so good before. he wishes just once that things wouldn't come back to girls. he doesn't trust himself to be thinking about things when it comes to girls with how chaotic it has been in the past. he smiles, paints that picture of happy, and watches from afar as the world swallows him up whole. family has no meaning to him. he doesn't quite understand the concept of wanting to be around people that you're related to. he doesn't get that need to live with others. he likes his alone time and how no one can judge how he spends his time. although, there are some times where he wishes he could be the one to fall asleep with someone to keep him warm, to wake up to the beauty of her every morning. he wishes he could run away and live happily ever after. then there's a family get-together of some sort and all he wants to do is stay far away from all of humanity for the rest of his life.  <3 <3