he was just hanging around, then he fell in love.

I walk the fine line between male and female. it's the only place that feels like home, like my skin doesn't want to crawl off my body. every day is a battle to find the middle ground, to figure out just where in the middle feels right. some days I wonder what the fuck I'm doing. I miss my long hair and the way I could hide behind it. I want to be seen as beautiful by the standards of society. other times I'm just fine being whatever and looking however. I just want to be human and not defined by any physical atributes. mostly, I just wish I looked a little more boyish, that I could pass when I put in a little effort instead of just passing in my head. I want to be just one of the boys, walking around in the summer without a shirt. 
there is no middle ground in the eyes of the passer-by. they label at first glance. but I just wish they'd wonder at least a little bit before they decide that I'm just another girl. I wish they could see the man beyond the skin. 

he is haunted by the looming grad activities. they require formalwear, attire which automatically splits the class into male and female groups. he doesn't know what to do. he knows that they all expect him to play nice and wear a dress. all he really wants is to wear a suit and by the matching accessory to his beautiful date. or if all else fails, mix some things around and draw the eyes of everyone to his gender non-conformity. he wants to educate them all on the way it hurts with every she or her, to teach them what an ally really is. he wants them to stare and wonder, if only just to get his point across. he wants to give a better future to the generations of little genderqueers to come. he wants them to not be as nervous about their events as he is for his. 

she doesn't know what every word she says means to him. she doesn't realize how he swoons over the tiniest little things. she doesn't even notice how she's made such a big impact on his life. she is the life ring that saved him from drowning. she is the angel that touched his heart. she is the flashlight that lets him read life's pages. and she is more than he deserves. he keeps it locked up inside, hoping she won't think him coming on too strong, praying she feels the same. he wants to be careful, to be sure. but he thinks this may just be it, that thing, they call it love. 

<3 <3