suicide in your arms tonight.

so. I apparently have to find out what the play is by searching a random couple words from some one's status, turns out it was a play, so I'm thinking that's what sdss is doing this year... love how my friends actually tell me stuff. sadly, it's kinda like this for everything. I ask what's up, they say not much, I ask if there's anything interesting, they say no. and then I miss a bunch of stuff. it less than 6 months I've missed the recycling in timmy's, building beside my old place, starting on new southpointe building, median by the school, and who knows what else. everything seems like it's a dream, I no longer know the town I once held so dear. it's an illusion. everything is, I don't know anything, anyone, anywhere anymore. and it scares me.

I do have my moments where I actually am happy, they just don't come very often, and when they do it's because of being so caught up in something that reminds me of the past that I don't realize I'm still going to the shitty school, living with 4 roommates and my mom out where I can't go anywhere myself, my life has completely become trying not to fail gr.11, I don't see anyone on the weekends, the most exciting parts of my day are when random girls off the internet tell me I'm cute. and they almost all live at least 1hr away.

most of the time I can feel the sting right behind my eyes, telling me that at any moment I could burst, I could just let go and cry until I don't remember the pain anymore. it's like without the bite of the blade as a constant reminder that I'm still alive I am just numb, a body walking around in a world fulled with souls. there is no soul, it has been removed to feast on. she enjoys watching this. maybe next time I'll actually think twice before I give away my heart. I'll make sure she wants to be the center of my universe, wants to be loved, wants to drive me crazy with passion, wants me to take her into my arms and make the world a little bit more ok.

to feel emotion that doesn't leave me confused and empty...

guess what songs the post titles are from. XD

<3 <3