arguements everywhere. oh yay. gotta fucking love my family... honestly don't know how much more I can really handle of it. thankfully it's only a week left. and the whole last day is flying.
got out for a bit to go outridge canoeing and surfing. pretty ok at it. managed to not fall off at all after the first 3 waves or so. pretty sick. managed to figure out a way to get all my hair up and out of the way.
and finally, after almost a week of trying to figure out why I did such a stoopid thing, I think I figured it out. pretty sure it was a mix of my lack of understanding boundries (thank you, drugs for making that possible), and that I let that monsterous, jealous, possesive, attention-seeking bitch personality take over. she needs to go away. I can't quite keep her in check anymore. she makes me believe that everyone's lying to me and in on some joke where I'm the punchline. really, everyone's just enjoying watching my misery. they play with my mind, my heart, and even my body... then once I'm hooked they're gunna let me know that it was all fake yet again. once she's convinced me, I unknowingly give her the power to take over and make them pay. then she's gone, and I have to deal with the consiquences. and as i try to cope im learning of what she's done in my bosy. story of my life. she can go die.
and now, because I couldn't keep it under control, the girl I love hates my guts. fuck. if only I could go back and just have me in control.
<3 <3
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