you are unforgiven.

he's so unprepared. everything that he's been told his entire life seems as if it is happening all at once and he doesn't know how to control it all. he's falling behind in school, in life, in everything he's ever tried to do. he's already 18 and he's only done one thing he's ever really been proud of, which was writing a play but even that he's slightly doubting. everywhere he turns he feels like he's gotten lost, there's no signs to guide him in the right direction. not that he expected it to be all that easy, it's just that he'd pictured that this time in his life he would have it figured out and pulled up his grades to a place to be proud of. he's let himself down and trying to make excuses for it by saying that his school change screwed him over. it's time that he needs to just sit himself down and take the blame for being a fuck up. no one else is to blame.  these days he can't seem to look in a mirror without wanting to cry. there's just so many sides to him that want different things. he wants to look in the mirror and see the masculine curves in his face, see the makeup as the only way to tell he isn't just another boy. he wants to looking into the mirror to see long, flowing hair and perfect skin. he wants to be a mix of everything until no one else can look at him without being confused. he can only see beauty in the bits of non-conformity.  <3 <3