and I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

it took him playing a rapist in a mock trial to admit to himself that what happened years ago was rape. it took three whole years, three years he could have been on the road to recovery. three years of feeling useless and completely hating himself and needing to prove some sort of strength in any situation he could. now he's admitted it, although he doesn't know what the next step is. it doesn't change the fact that for a whole year he had been throwing himself around not caring about his own body, just trying to make others happy. it doesn't change the fact that he made himself miserable just to try and be what everyone else wanted him to be. it doesn't change the fact that he got himself in to more trouble than he could ever imagine trying to keep everyone happy. he's admitted the truth, but he can't move on. he needs the world to understand just how deeply he has been hurting, tearing himself apart trying to figure out some magical answer to make everything okay.  he's opened his soul to those he doesn't know if he can fully trust yet, hoping that taking a leap of faith will pay off in the end. he's so battered and bruised that he can't seem to make sense of it, yet somehow he just knows that it'll be worth it. somehow he knows that things will all be okay.  <3 <3