why do I need you at all?

he feels mistreated, unloved, under-appreciated. the worst part is that it's the people he actually cares about, the ones he calls his home, that are making him feel this way. he wishes he could just make everything alright again so that it was all easy for them to all get along. he puts in so much effort trying to keep in contact, trying to keep friendships alive. it just gets so hard when he seems to be the only one putting in the effort.  he's done, mentally, physically, psychologically. the thing is, he just can't do it anymore. everything around him seems to be tearing him down, and he waits for the signal that no one's looking, hoping to find a chance when he can pull the blade across his skin in a guilty pleasure. the knife has missed him, just as he has missed it.  he's being forced to leave behind the only life he's ever loved, leave it in replacement for the stiff, uneasy life he had been stuck in at uncomfortable angles. he wants to take his revenge. so badly. but he needs to keep his cool <3 <3