I'm a son of a bitch.

another weekend where he has so much to get done and no time to do it. he should've done homework, but there wasn't a spare moment to get any of it done. he could just not have all the sleep, but then he knows he won't make it through the week to come. two weeks until the winter break, it's the only thing keeping him going at this point. if there wasn't the wind down of school for now he has no clue how he'd manage to keep his head above the workload. only one test and one quest (quiz test) left before school's out. plus an in-class essay. he really should get started on the preparing for all that, but he can't manage to get a moment to even get his mind to the right place. the homework he has in the mean time isn't helping at all. he knows that he really should try and put some effort into some of the stuff he's supposed to have done, but he can't seem to bother. even with law, his favorite subject.  he just begins to realize that there's less than a month left of the year. time has gone by so quickly. he can't even seem to wrap his head around anything that's happened since summer. it almost feels like his personal life has been on pause since then, he's stuck with the emotions he felt then, he can't seem to have any room in his life to do anything but schoolwork. maybe winter break will give him a chance to breathe a little and figure his shit out. in less than 7 months he'll be graduating, in about 9 months he'll be starting post-secondary. he doesn't even know how to comprehend any of this. it's almost like the last year and a half hasn't been real because of the moving and living between two worlds. he wishes he could wake up and just have things make a little more sense.  every time he tries to live a little, have a little bit of untamed happiness, the world seems to tell that things are going well and hand him a pile of things to ruin the good times. he wishes that for once things wouldn't blow up in his face every time he tries to delay them for a moment. one weekend to not worry about the piles of work to be done would be nice. sleeping without having to be up in what seems like just a couple hours would be a great feeling. he puts his hopes and dreams on hold and tries to do what a good child should, no matter how much it kills him to be pushed into a girl box in that process.  <3 <3