things were awkward. how can they not be when he sees an ex that has hated him for almost 11 months, who he hasn't seen since trying to sort things out right before valentine's day. she still has him shaking when they're in the same room. he can't control himself anymore and he doesn't have a clue what it means. he thinks he's most of the way to being over her, but then this all happens and he can't get her out of his head. all the memories come flooding back on repeat. it's not even that that's the part that drives him crazy. it's the hearing her voice, the same tone, the same laughter, seeing her giant smile, and knowing she's trying to pretend he's not even in the room as much as she can. it's not having her to be the one to talk to him and calm him down in the magical way she does after having that for so long. it's the wondering if things would've lasted if he just kissed her in grade 9 like he always wanted to. it's the find out that she came out to her parents the past summer and that they knew because they'd never been subtle. he wonders if her parents knew when they held hands in the backseat and connected that with the instant hate afterwards.
he feels like he should have brought quippy. even though having his inanimate girlfriend would make things more tense if possible. not to mention, it's an inanimate girlfriend that he bought because it reminded him of the ex that she was apparently willing to be on speaking terms with him because he was dating. somehow, that just doesn't work. the inanimate girlfriend to get over that ex he looked up how to write "I love you" in German to give to on the same day she broke up with him (because he's helpless at speaking languages he hasn't practiced his whole life.) somehow he knows that any mention of any of that would have made things worse with her. not mentioning anything was already about as bad as it could be. life is fucked up. girls are confusing. lesson learned.
<3 <3
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