he was finally starting to feel like it doesn't matter that he's a flaming female-bodied gynosexual in the middle of christian camp, then they have fireside and storm reinforces the idea that homosexuality is a sin. he's ready to head home any time to get away from the place. good thing they're leaving tomorrow because he doesn't know how much longer he can last. at the last moment he's realizing that it might have have been a mistake to come this weekend. he doesn't know how to tell his friends that he won't be coming back to camp, especially the reason why. the twins know, he's now come out to another couple of girls, but he doesn't want them to know that that's the reason he doesn't quite feel comfortable being there much longer.
he hasn't given up on letting religion have its chance, just decided that organized religion is not his style even if he were religious. people don't seem to see being purely spiritual as a valid way of going about things. he wants to live life that way without judgement. he's treading on their turf, respecting their way of salvation, but they don't seem to be giving him that respect back. they won't even recognize him as 'him' because of the way his body presents itself.
every inch of the camp property reminds him of what could have been, if only things were a little bit different. he tries to wash those thoughts away, telling them that they do not exist inside his head. things are always a little bit off when they're inside his head, but he's gotten used to it by now.
he realizes leaving means going back to the same old life where he deals with his mother every fucking day. he doesn't even want to think about doing that. some things are worse than others.
<3 <3
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