I know that you saw me.

it's taken literally a day to make his iPod his home and to make it organized the way he wants with all the gay. plus a bit of his music on there. not even near how much he needs to get on to call it his iPod, but enough to make it listenable. he needs to figure out downloading music free so that he can get the music he's been wanting for forever to have at his fingertips. Christmas break might be dedicated to completing his music collection. just maybe. most likely. if he's lucky he'll get a little room cleaning done. he's going to need to clean a bunch of crap out of his room if he's going to be moving again any time in the next year. so much crap he hasn't even looked at in eons. he's pretty okay with the face that almost half of his iPod is filled with Beatles (and there's over 500 songs on it so far.) life is pretty good right now. he might just be okay because he's having a giant dose of what society calls happiness. it's sad that so much is rested in material possessions in this day and age, but there's no point trying to argue it. just admire the people who manage to stay away from it all and live their lives in a more pure way. he wishes he could be more like them, but he's fallen victim to everything bad in the world, he's become just another person following the crowd in this world. one day he will break free, one day all of this will be something to laugh at. until then he will slowly spiral downwards to becoming closer and closer to crossing the "hipster" line. he shudders at the thought of becoming almost what could be called a hipster, he's never been the type to overly label things.  the hardest part is trying to not mass-message girls, bombarding them with little notes saying why they're special, trying to fix broken memories of shit that happened so long ago that it seems irrelevant that they're still mad at him, trying to win them over. he knows when he says girls he means a small group that he's constantly thinking about, but in order to not seem over-eager he tells himself it's girls in general. he hasn't figured out how to actually lie to himself and believe it.  for the first time he said it out loud to other people. agendered. then the question start pouring in, apparently because people don't get the concept of there being anything but 'boys' and 'girls'. it kind of kills him to hear questions like, so are you a girl or a boy? after he just finished saying that he does not feel ANY binary gender, or any gender at all. he is that grey area in gender that is not male or female. no one seems to understand what that actually means though, so shit will be a lot harder than he ever thought. teaching the unwilling is about as productive as killing the dead. <3 <3