don't dream it, be it.

he's so tired, so very, very tired. he couldn't help himself. he knows he should have been doing homework, but he can't even read without starting to doze off. power-ish naps help, except when they go from 6 to 11 so that there's nothing left of the day and he still is too fucking tired o move. everything is cozy and groggy and he just wants to go back to things making sense.

finally the weekend and he can't even remember what it means to have a carefree, fun-filled weekend. he can't remember what it's like to be allowed to actually go out and just party with other people and party with other people, have a fucking LIFE! the homework load seems somewhat manageable so he doesn't bother to figure out a schedule to get it all done. he secretly hopes he doesn't have to really do any of it, that it's all one big joke.

at least keeping busy keeps his mind off her most of the time, but it won't stop him from feeling so alone. it keeps getting colder and couples are getting more cuddly to keep warm. every time he sees them together he asks for one split-second  -why couldn't that be me, just once- only to feel even more alone. he tries to fight it off, not to care, but it seems impossible so much of the time he wonders why he even bothers anymore.

the only place he feels safe anymore is in his dreams, when he's asleep, alone. that way no one can try to tell him how much of a horrible person he really is. he's afraid of the very same people that he's desperate to make some sort of contact with. he doesn't see how so much could change in a yeasr. he needs to fix things, but he doesn't even know how to start.

<3 <3