at least 10 days of sleeping left. just hibernate the whole time. maybe go out for a skate. it's just so much easier for him when he's asleep, dreaming that things aren't the way they are. he can dream that she's by his side, he can dream that there aren't riots and fires tearing through a beautiful country, he can dream that he has a body that he can feel comfortable in.
he paints his lips a bright shade of red and no one gives him a second glance. if any physical boy did so, they would get harrassment from everyone they meet. in a sense that makes him one of the lucky ones. the ftmtf life is just so much harder because of the way that people just assume that he's cis-gendered because he present mainly female. there are too many layers for most people to understand. it's hard enough for him to understand and he's living it. he knows he is anything but female, he knows that he just wants to be seen as a strong, actual man. he also knows that a good portion of the time he feels the need to be beautiful and girly just like the other drag queens, but in no way, shape, or form does he want to actually be female. he's perfectly happy in his male mindset. but would that just make him transgender without wanting to take the full steps to becoming transsexual? he doesn't even know anymore. he just knows he feels more comfortable identifying as male than anything else. this has been a long time coming and he realizes just now what this means, he needs the time to think about it himself before he can start to involve those around him.
he feels so alone, he tries to keep the smile for everyone else's sake, but he just wishes there was one other person he could talk to who shares his gender exactly, from the girly days still identifying as male to the amount of dysphoria. someone he could turn to when it gets to be too much. he wants to meet this boi so they could be best friends forever. he'll just keep hoping that boi is somewhere out there and that one day they'll find each other.
<3 <3
No comments:
Post a Comment