when the world's asleep, I'm stil trying to figure it out.

he couldn't sleep. even as the long day ahead taunted him, he was powerless against the grips of aweakeness. the gears in his head churned and churned. all it took was someone telling him that she wanted to be friends again since he's seeing someone and that would apparently make things easier. hours pass by as he tries to figure out just what kind of games she is trying to play with his head. he spent 2 1/2 years under her spell and now she comes around going for round two, yet she can't even start it herself, she has to get her best friend to do it. he wants to hate her, to make her feel as worthless and alone as she made him feel. he just doesn't have that much of a mean streak in him. he can't do it. so he'll end up welcoming her back into his life and pretending that his heart doesn't falter when she gets too near. a man can only take so much from one girl. 
after hours pass he realizes what he's thinking about and wants to punch himself. he has an amazing girl who really cares about him, a girl he is finally happy again when he's with, then here he is thinking about a girl who treated him like shit like she's god. it doesn't make sense. so the next few hours he spends thinking about her, how much he misses her and would give anything to hold her in his arms, and how lucky he is to have found her. finally, when all is good in his mind, he drifts off to sleep, just to be awoken a little over four hours later.

it's been three days since he last heard from her and he's going crazy. he has been reduced to rambling about how he loves the postman and all the beautiful things he sends the world. he anxiously awaits when the postman will bringing him something, word of how she is doing all those many miles away. he worries too easily. he fears she has figured out that a life without him is much better, much easier. if only he could see into her mind for just a moment, figure out just what she thinks about him. 
he has become a slave to any form of contact that she might possibly be able to use. it's an addiction that only she can cure. in the midst of this all, he's still awaiting his owl with his acceptance letter to hogwarts. there is just so much to prepare for. he thinks he might be just about ready to completely fall into her and try to intertwine himself in her life in every way he can. that L word again, he doesn't quite know what to do with it..

<3 <3