there was yet another death.
this time it's a little different. he was barely 18. and he died of stomach cancer. WHAT THE FUCKK?? so yeah. really don't know why the world is so cruel. nightwolf, hunn, I know I didn't know you very well and I'm not gunna be a total LG and pretend we were super tight or anything. honestly, I met you in gr.8 and thought you were to cool to hang out with a loser like me. then last school year we had some good moments together at the pit. we shared. lately I've been all deep and shit about stuff like that. from what I saw of you, you were a great person. and from what I hear you were fucking amazing on a skateboard. well shit, you knew ben just through your skateboarding, not from him being your mom's friend's brother. that takes skills to know a skateboard company's owner. I wish I had gotten to know you a little better, maybe had some good time of our own, not just breathing the same air but not really speaking to each other.
all the death lately has made me think about my own death. if I were to die would I be happy with my life? no. I honestly wouldn't. I have way too many people that hate me right now. I just want peace. I fucked around both literally and figuratively a lot in my past, and I can't take it back, just hope I can fix it somehow. other than that I'm pretty ok with the way my life has turned out.
also, when I die, I don't want a funeral. I just want a crazy ass party. where people just remember and do things I would be doing if I were there.... like hitting on random chicks and stuffing my face with yummy food. I'd want everyone to just have a good time. and then once the official party's over, just have a cremation. cause burials are nastyyy. bugs and crap eating away at my rotting flesh does not sound good at all.
one of these days I'm going to write out notes to everyone who has affected my life in any way. it could take a couple months, but whatever. it is something I want to do at some point.
*insert extreme peace and cheeseyness here*
so there. I really just want pease and love and shizz. and then death to just go away and stop happening to people I know. because that is NOT fun. thank you.
yesterday was international woman's day. woot.
on that note... any ladies want to be fucking awesome and chill with me. let me know. cause girls are fucking gorgeous. in general, pretty much every single one of you out there is beautiful in your own way.
if you guys have any questions for me to answer, any topic or such for me to use in here, or you wanna guess the songs from my post titles, let me know.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: nikki oreo barnes
or just comment below.
<3 <3
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