end of the world.

he knows he has to give her up, but he can't seem to stop feelings. he's been fighting them for over a year but that doesn't change anything, if anything it makes his emotions want her more. he's just so tired of feeling so incomplete. he's so tired of not being able to feel positive emotions anymore. he wishes there was someone he saw frequently who understood just how important it is for him to have regular physical contact. such a simple thing that goes so unnoticed in his group of friends. mostly he just needs stability, someone who he can rely on to be a consistent source of affection. most of the time he can't even rely on having people in general around to keep him from going into a lonely, self-hatred-fueled state. he honestly doesn't care if they love him, just as long as they are there as a friend, as a second family, as a lover, it doesn't matter which anymore, he just wants someone to be there. for the first time in months he's on the edge. he can't understand how anything could go on, how anything could happen to get any better. the lies have gotten to him. he can't even manage to believe in anything but the emptiness anymore. hugs from stuffed animals and chocolate can only attempt to warm his froze core, defrost the horror of his emotions.  <3 <3