at the end of the rainbow.

he remembers grade 8 French class. they all had to pick "French names". all he wanted was to be Guy, but he wasn't allowed because that was a "boy name" and he was a "girl". that's the first time he decided he didn't want to be a girl, at least not full-time. from that day he called himself a weregender, girl by day and boy by night. his little 13-year-old self had no clue what that meant. from grade 8-10 he continued this, nearly convincing kids that his genitalia grew outwards as the sun went down, shooting back inside at daybreak. he was happy like that. when he would play gendered games after nightfall he would switch teams to play with the boys because he could get away with it, somehow that made all the games more fun. it all came to a grinding halt at the end of grade 10. at that point he was starting to identify as a lesbian. he fell for a lesbian who would just completely stop flirting with him if he mentioned his male side. so he hid it all away, saying that only happened in places they spoke French (France and Quebec). eventually he just stopped mentioning it at all. when that relationship came to an end the ex started to question their gender. still he didn't try to rekindle the good feelings of being weregendered. grade 11 came along and he was thrown into a new city, new school. he was the only queer kid he knew of, until the girl. still, in such a small community he started to suffer by himself, blogging away his only mentions of questioning gender. writing being his first language, he did most of his thinking that way. over the months he'd forgotten about his little name for his gender the first time he decided not to stick to society's  label. now he's remembering, realizing how true he was years before he could really see it.  <3 <3