sleep with candles burning.

he's trying so hard to make it so that he doesn't have to do anything drastic. it's his final year of high school and all he wants is to be surrounded by those he loves and have a good time. he doesn't get what's so hard about that except that his mother is just trying to make it difficult for him. he knows how to be safe. he's been down the road of drowning sorrows in booze and drugs and sex and high-risk adventures. he's been through the craziness of hell and back. he's trying so hard to just let life take over and be a good thing instead of looking over every detail in everything to make it perfect. he's so tired from holding in all the things he wants to do. he could collapse under the pressure of it all, but he keeps going every day for some unknown reason, keeps hoping there's something better, some kind of future for him.  he takes all the energy he can manage to muster up at once and uses it to try and make things happen. he tries to be who she wants so that she'll want him, he tries to be there for everything she needs, he tries to help everyone who needs it as much as possible. eventually he is stretched so thin that he doesn't even recognize himself. all the moments that he's wondered what it's all for, he feels the dread backing back into his life. <3 <3