got me down on my knees.

he doesn't want to have to go through the trouble of coming out as something different every few months/ years as he discovers more about his gender and sexuality. he wishes he could just understand it all and pick a label so he could live in peace. he knows that won't happen. he pins down a gender that somewhat fits and then a whole new part appears and he's completely looking all over again. and then on top of that there's new layers to his sexuality that he's uncovering. he knows that being sexually attracted to the way someone looks is impossible for him, he can only be sexually attracted to the things they do to him. he can however be physically attracted to people, although it doesn't happen all too often, especially not with people he has the guts to try anything with. when he wants someone and it's someone he can actually develop real feelings with, he's only ever emotionally or romantically (or both) attracted to them. that kind of ends up making him imagine a physical attraction, because he knows he's never really been physically attracted to anyone he's ever dated/ kissed/ had anything that resembles anything with. until he built those emotions he never really saw any of them in that way. he kind of feels horrible for that and wants to make it up to them by playing the oversexed part they all seem to think he fills. yes, he does enjoy sexual remarks and jokes, but at the end of the day he's fine with cuddling or holding hands or whatever. the fun in sex for him is the kink, the game behind it. without the kink, he honestly would not see the point in any sex at all.   he's struggling to find a label that fits, considering his options. could he be what people talk about when they say sexual asexual? he'd have sex, but not because of sexual attraction. in the heat of the moment he might enjoy it, if tied up or whipped he would for sure.  then there's his gender identity. he thought agendered just about covered it, although now he's going more towards male. a very, very feminine male, but still male.  <3 <3