it's good for him to be home. he doesn't have to watch himself every moment to make sure he doesn't act too gay, doesn't have to hide himself away, doesn't have to pretend to believe in a god he knows he's never believed in. although he grew up in the baptist church, the best he can do is respect the religion.
he has a bit of a crisis. he identifies as mostly gynosexual, a little bit pansexual, and polyromantic. his physical attraction is almost is almost strictly females, with the odd ftm, androgynous man, or drag queen. at the same time his sexual attraction goes out to anyone who knows how to turn him on. the problem lies with his emotions. he can only manage a real emotional attraction in a "more than friends" way with physical females, thus, to make things short he just says he's queer. on top of that he's mostly agendered, although gender-neutral pronouns almost make him more dysphoric than gendered ones. his most hated pronouns are female due to his sex, so he settles on male pronouns. he figures if god is supposed to be above gender and is given male pronouns, why can't he have male pronouns as well?
someday he will figure out some way to describe his theology other than just extremely spiritual. he will have some sort of song he will be believing every word he sings as opposed to singing along and living a lie just because he'd rather sing with a fake passion than not sing at all. he can feel it, feel that there is something he believes in somewhere out there in the world. it might be closer than he thinks, he just knows he won't conform to a religion unless it is a way of life he can feel already mostly fits him. he won't change for anyone, any entity.
<3 <3
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