his first competitive-structured improv performance and he manages to realize he rather enjoys the whole thing after all. being on stage brings a new energy to the whole thing. he feels he can start to come out of his shell a little more, start to trust a little that the guys won't fuck everything over. he's been so worried about doing anything drama-related for the last year that he hadn't gotten a chance to at least try to fix things in the drama department. given the chance, the guys aren't complete assholes all the time. maybe at some point there won't be that awkward tension between them at all.
he's almost there, less than 24 hours until grad photos and he doesn't quite know if he can be okay with it all. he wants to scream out, wants someone to really listen, wants someone to care at all. fuck if that'll happen though, he's stuck in a world where transphobia is the norm and no one bothers to try and rectify it. sometimes it gets so hard to remember that they aren't doing it on purpose, they're just uneducated.
the part of his stomach tells him that he needs to speak up, to make things happen. his common sense (what's left of it) tells him to just get the fuck out of highschool and get on with his life. maybe being just another fruity highschool queer isn't enough, maybe he needs to make sure people see him the same way he sees himself in the mental photographs he takes. it could be the way they dissmiss him as "girl" that kills him. drama is supposed to be a place where you explore characters, yet they never let him explore the male characters that he can relate to a little more than any female ones.
<3 <3
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