put a little love in it.

new years day used to be his favorite day of the year. it was the one day a year that his family could have a full-out celebration at one house filled with all sorts of traditional Japanese foods. he misses the handmade onigiri, the little black beans, the different chickens, the futomaki, the spinish. although he never had the noodles for long life. not until last year at his mother's friend's parents' house. the little Japanese community within steveston makes him wonder just what he's missing by being out in the world apart from it.  he misses childhood. how his family would try to keep at least a little bit of the culture in his life. he remembers the food most of all, the way he's lean on the table or the counter and watch their hands flipping eggs into rolls or packing rice into perfectly shaped cylinders with just enough salt and sesame seeds. wrapping rice in nori. he remembers pulling on his family's ears if they were the last one eating at the meal. he remembers his special pairs of chopsticks for his tiny hands, too weak to hold the large, heavy ones but strong enough to pick up everything on his plate. he doesn't remember using a fork very much in his early years, but he rememers those chopsticks. he remembers not wanting any ocha unless it was in his rice bowl, he loved his ochezuke. he remembers how when he was good he would get mochi, manju, or anpan for a treat.  people look at him and they see white, European and a majority. they don't see that the only one in his family that he sees that isn't from Asian decent is his grandpa. he is more Japanese in his heart than he could ever be white. after talking with the Japanese teacher at his school he realizes that although the ones around him look a hell of a lot more asian, they are whitewashed. they can go for long periods of time without Asian foods. he loves everything about the food and ends up eating it at least once a week. he craves it constantly. apparently that's how you tell if you really are Asian.  he realizes how much he wants to make onigiri the way that his great-grandma used to. he wants to learn to shape them just right, to roll them enough that they will pick up the salt from the surface, but not get too salty. he wants to learn the ways that his family does it all so that he can carry it on once he goes off to explore life on his own. he wants to carry bits of his childhood with him through life.  <3 <3