mr. spider, perched up in the corner, will you please come down? I watch you scurry, you watch me sleep, yet we never talk. when dusk turns to dawn, you avoid my curious gaze. I want to get to know you. you are the first thing I see in the morning, a black speck on my white celing. I open my eyes and immedeately you run off, on all eight legs, to try to hide. I just want to get to know you. I want to share more moments together doing something other than watching one another. I know I may look big and scary, but really, get to know me, I can be quite fun. I know you want to get to know me too, that's why you stick around. three mornings in a row I see you staring back at me. now it's too dark to see you, but I can guarantee that you're up there somewhere, watching me. do you know that you're on my mind? maybe one day we'll sit down and have a conversation, for now you'll just watch over me whilst I am sleeping. are you my guardian angel??
he doesn't quite know what to make of the body he's been given. the scrawny, weak body with the fleshy bits on its chest. he wishes that there was enough meat on his bones to hide the bits on his chest, that he had the muscle to do what other men can do. he wishes he had the strength to pick her up and sit her on a table or countertop to kiss her, make her feel like a special prize that he has won. he wishes he could give her piggyback rides across town as she falls asleep in the blistering sun. he wishes he could carry anything the least bit heavy for her and not struggle with the weight while trying to appear to have it completely under control. he wishes he could be the strong one to protect her from harm's way. most of all, he wishes he was taller. all the other boys tower over him, making him feel insignificant. how can he be that rock, that shelter for her when he's nothing compared to the other boys? he is just a femmeboi who's as skinny as a hipster boy that inhales more cigarette smoke than calories. and he is not quite okay with that.
tears escape his eyes at the end of the day, when he thinks no one is looking. they make their way down his freckled cheeks and still he doesn't make a move to wipe them away. the sky begins to cry with him, mixing with his tears. slowly, he is getting soaked. he thinks about going inside and warming up with a hot cup of tea. he decides against it when he remembers why he came outside in the first place. tonight he will stay out until the stars shine, until he knows that he is seeing the same stars that she might be seeing at that exact same moment. it may be unlikely, given the time difference, but he is willing to wait. the cold of the rain soaks into his skin, leaving his entire body numb. he imagines holding her close, feeling her heart beating next to his. the entire sky lights up, followed closely with the crack of thunder. he is not afraid. by now, everyone else has made their way home; the streets are empty, leaving him to fall deeper into his own thoughts. he cannot sleep. he needs some way to connect to her before he can rest, so this is his last hope. right now he can tell that the skies will mostly likely stay clouded for at least another day, leaving tonight to be just another night spent thinking about her. maybe tonight he'll figure out the right words to tell her just how much she means to him.
<3 <3
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