you're beautiful the way you are.

the Internet makes it that much easier to be depressed and lonely. being able to have people talk to you almost 24/7 makes it that much easier to realize 'hey, people don't really want to be talking to you. you're boring. that's why your inboxes are all almost always empty except for random messages from companies who's mailing lists you are part of.' it makes it that much easier to tell when friendships are drifting apart because your friends have lives and don't just sit on their computers all day to talk to you and try to make it seem like distance isn't straining your friendship. 
when you check e-mail, social networking sites, and all sorts of pages just to see if someone is trying to contact you at least 1000 times a day but only about... 2-10 times anyone actually does. then it makes you feel unimportant. and then you turn into a bitter bitch like me. 
it's like an addiction. at first you start just going on once in awhile, then you gain access to it more and more so you're on a lot more than you should be. then it starts to eat into time that should be used for other things... like sleep and homework. eventually nothing else matters, nothing feels real unless facebook says so, and you start to think that the 'real you' is a persona you create for yourself on the interwebs.

that being said, I'm way too canadian. I feel the need to respond to every little thing people send me as a way to say that I've read what they said. I feel like if I don't respond they'll think I'm ignoring them and think I'm rude. even if it's just a stoopid smiley. and I even apologize when it takes more than a few hours to respond. 
I've almost always been like that. finally I'm starting to understand that not everyone's like that. I don't take it personally every time someone else doesn't respond. especially when it's some random girl I message out of the blue. although sometimes I still do. 

funny enough, the way I deal with my feeling rejected by everyone on the internet is more internet. when everywhere else is done with me I go on tumblr and reblog a bunch of things that pertain to my being all depressed about everything and pretty girls who I know would never give me the time of day. most people at least sometimes talk to followers, I go on to escape talking to people since I know that they'll eventually get bored of me and make me depressed if I tried to talk to such superior beings. and then I write about how everything sucks. and read a bunch of random lgbt-related stuff. 
that's pretty much my life..

and that is how I end up getting all depressed when I'm not actually around people...

<3 <3