why does everyone have to focus on the negative and all the bad things? one screwed up physical feature, one emotional flaw, one thing that most people can do that someone doesn't have the ability to do and they get attacked. it doesn't matter if the rest or them is beautiful as long as the one thing is wrong. everybody has their flaws, so everybody judges everyone else based on those flaws. the ones who voice the hate the loudest are the highest in social ladders, and those who a actually nice and accept people for everything they are get eaten alive. some sit somewhere in the middle..
April fools is a bitch. my mom needs to learn that it's isn't funny anymore when you wake someone up just to tell them your 'joke' which involves their entire life being changed yet again. the exact moment one wakes up is not good timing at all. the mind cannot process the information quickly enough to stop from completely freaking out. so no devestating fake news as soon as the eyes open please.
John Casablanca's is freaking amazing. they actually care enough to do a one-on-one tour, get to know you a bit before, understand your intrests, where you come from, etc. they actually care. that's what I want out of my education. nit only do they do all that the first time you meet them, but they also go through the entire process of student loans and shizz. and apparently I have the creativity and more skills than most people go in with, so I'm pretty much in as soon as I put in my application. and she'll let me know AS SOON as the fall 2012 signup starts. I think I would LOVE it there. :)
so yes, I have to thank my mom for putting in the time and effort to make that meeting happen. but the bitching about my driving not being exactly how she wants it and how I don't do things exactly how she wants without her even saying anything really started to get to me. then by the time we actually got to mr.young and I wanted to just have a good time she ruined it. first, she tries to force me to go up for every game when 1. I didn't want to 2. it was all little kids going up 3. I'd seen it all before so I didn't find the fun in it. then she pretty much yells at me between every take to work on my Japanese. I mean, I know I need to work on it, but if I was going to do that maybe I shouldn't be doing all sorts of other shizz all day every day. who was the freaking briliant one who thought that up? so I do my Japanese, kinda pissed that I have to do that pointless crap I won't really remember because I have to go through it so fast instead of just enjoying myself for once. and then she keeps trying to get ne to go up for games while I'm trying to do my Japanese. it's like MAKE UP YOUR MIND WOMAN!!!
anyways, get through that still mostly happy. starting to realize there's no way in hell I'll finish everything in the two days left. I'll be lucky if I finish my socials and two scripts in time even without the 35-40 pages left of Japanese. thanks to more stuff all day both days. really fucking briliant. just because she's on spring break and can do whatever she wants doesn't mean I can. I have too much work to even bother trying to be normal...
then she has the fucking nerve to bitch the whole way home saying I'll never pass my driving test and I need to learn how to apticiate her. and then it goes too far. she tells me that she knows how darsey feels. that I really need to grow up and I can't think of anyone else but myself. and it's almost the exact same shpiel that darsey, herself gave me last time I saw her. it fucking hurt. I've been trying so hard to try to understand what that means, what I need to do to stop being such a horrible person. and then there it is again like I haven't been trying at all. like complete failure.
we get back and she expects me to be fine. and when she sees me crying she goes on about how I can dish it but I can't take it and all this crap. I'M FUCKING TRYING!! if people think I'm just a drama queen who needs to grow up, fine. but I will keep on working myself to the limit, pushing myself to the point of fading from any piece of sanity until I can actually feel like a good person. until I'm good enough for her...
so here's your chance to respond. what do you think of me as a person? what was your first impression of me? what are my flaws and how the fuck do you think I can fix them. even if it seems to be basic knowledge to you, that's what I find the hardest to understand.
then send me some questions, give me topics and ideas and all that good stuff. once you're done all that, or if you want to just do this, guess the songs from my post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
tumblr: nikkioreo
or comment below.
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