so apparently some stuff happened when my grandparents and mom went to grab pizza. there was this guy coming out of 7-11. and I guess he was kinda efeminate. anyways, my grandma was asking my mom if he was a boy or a girl. and my mom said boy. then my grandma asked if he was transsexual. and my mom said she didn't know. and my grandma went on about how his eyelashes were so long and stuff. and my mom said so? that's like adam lambert and a bunch of celebrities. and my grandma still kept going on about how it wasn't normal and all sorts of shizz...
great. as if I wasn't having enough trouble trying to come out to the rest of my family...
kinda realized that no matter what I was born as I would be extremely queer. now I'm just the genderfloating lesbian. and if I was born physically male I would be the biggest freaking drag queen ever. I'd love that. I find drag queens among the most beautiful people on earth despite the penis thing. all the masculine structure and hormones but with the feminine grace and beauty. I would want to be physically male JUST to be able to have that. extreme jealousy.
a lot of men's clothes I only like for the fact they're actually thick enough to keep warm and have big enough pockets. or else it's epic things like bowties and such. otherwise I quite enjoy feminine looking things. honestly my biggest dream would be to have a manly structure and adorn it with a mix of gender-oriented clothing. and yes I would spend just as long on my makeup :)
it would be great if there were more lgbt kids at my school, mainly a transgirl because I'd SO tap that. I just really want someone to talk to about all these blended-gender feelings that has actually been through it or is going through it right now. the only two people I know that could be that, well one is a tumblr friend who I absolutely LOVE! and the other is in tsawwassen and I never really get to see or talk to hir. (yes, mads recently decided against gender pronouns)
my school is so straight. honestly, I'm pretty sure I know all the out people in my school and can count them on one hand. yes, a few more are out to just me and a few other people, but still in total, the people that are out to me is under 10, and almost half are graduating next year. it is SAD. there may be quite a few more closeted with all the little ESP kiddies. all the sexy butch chickas that roam the halls tere has to be at least a few that aren't straight.
I don't quite know how to deal with everything, and having no one I can really talk to that understands isn't the greatest help. I want a friend who can understand how it feels to bind a few days a week, have a few scattered days where any type of chest constricting (including bras) makes your skin crawl, and then some days where you feel perfectly at home in your skin. I can't be the only one out there, and meeting others would really make my life.
anything you want me to talk about, be it questions, themes, opinions, or anything else, give me a shout. and don't forget to guess the songs from my post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
tumblr: nikkioreo
or comment below.
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