each day away from school I start to feel more and more comfortable being as manly as I want. lately I've been having less and less femmey days. the only times that I really feel al that feminine is when there's a girl I really like around. and she talks to me. and yeah.. other then that I am starting to just abandon most of the girly things about me one at a time. I will always love rainbows and hugs and hello kitty and some things like that, but I stray farther from any visable makeup (besides eyebrows), girlier clothing, even the way I walk....
there are so many things I hate about being physically female: stoopid high voice, inability to grow facial hair, having to work hardcore to try and get any muscle whatsoever, having guys assume I'm straight and trying to use me as some sex toy, having to practically fight to have any say in anything, family trying to get me into dresses and crap, tiny frame, and that week every month where emotions and hormones go crazy and my gender is rapid-cycling bipolar. it's all annoying as fuck.
I have established that boxers with skinny jeans are as nesassary as socks with most shoes. honestly, best feeling in the world almost. would love to invest in some guys skinnies. been wanting work boots for a while too. mmmmmm.
doubt I'll ever find someone needing a hair model in Richmond, hoping I can scrounge up enough to go pay to get my hair cut somewhere. driving me crazy trying to think of new ways to hide how long my hair has gotten. I'd rather shave it all off then have it like this much longer....
aliza's supposed to be putting together a lesbian mix CD for me since I don't know any lesbian bands, haven't even heard a Tegan and Sarah song... I know, I'm a horrible lesbian. I also prefer dogs over cats.. this should be interesting.
actually talked to my mom about GAB and the people there and what goes on and how nice the staff/ volunteers are. she seemed to really like that, hopefully buy me some brownie points so I can go more often. I think she's starting to actually accept that I don't like boys at all a little. which is good so I won't kill her quite so fast.
also got to talking about post-secondary. I managed to tell her about my wanting to do tattos/ piercings. she's still hoping for me to do something more mainstream. so I told her about my other idea, being an LGBT counsellor. she actually pretty much aprooved of that. makes me happy. maybe all hope of communication inst quite lost... :)
anyways, if you have any questions or ideas for me, hit me up. then guess the songs from my post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
facebook: Nikki Oreo Barnes
or comment below. ;)
<3 <3
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