the smell of wine and cheap purfume.

everything is drifting away. people get farther and farther with each passing second, they learn to live without you, to forget how you impacted ther lives. people who your whole world revolved around, who spent almost every moment with you, just dissappearing before you can begin to understand what has been going on. the seperation is a gap you promised to never let get between you. promises mean nothing. 'best friends' means nothing. the world keeps moving and spinning and new people enter both of your lives, new things start to take over. but there are still memories of what used to be, of how things once were, of a place you had lived together in harmony. although it's just memories. and then you are alone and you see their life growing and you wonder what happened. why did promises made between best friends have to be broken? why do people you still love dearly seem to have forgotten you completely. you try to reason, think of what's been going on in their lives, give them the space to sort it out. but you want to be there for them, you want to fix their pain. they don't need you, they have someone else to fix it all. you are alone. 

over and over again this happens. sometimes I wonder why I bother. I can honestly say there has not been a single person I have not felt like try hated me at some point or another. even if for a very brief moment. it fuels the trust issues, reinforces the worthlessness placed deep into my head, makes day to day life a living hell. I try to get past it. I try to keep a smile. but them I am alone at night and all the feelings come rushing down my cheeks in a hot, salty form. 

this skin doesn't fit right, trying to find a cure. the real thing is, it's all a mistake. I have proven just a waste of flesh unable to try and make something more of myself. 

silently I beg at the cold, at the wind: take me, free my from my confines. 

send shizz to write about, before I ramble more about anything that pops into my mind..
guess songs from post titles.
email: nikkiasb@hotmail.com
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