dreams.

and once again it's back to ipodness. surprise surprise. 

started out the day all.... normal?? and then proceeded to hate my life. 0 on kanji test, and just doodled on my math quiz. the way to bring up my grades for sure.. just can't seem to muster up enough motivation. apparently that has to mean that I'm depressed. not that I can't understand that, I just never linked the word straight to me before. I've know there was SOMETHING wrong with me for a long time, and I don't mean the whole gay thing either. just never totally clicked. hmmm. family history of depression, I've been pretty emo for years, maybe there's a connection?? yeah. I'm stoopid. maybe I can blame that for me wanting to just be rid of everything, feeling useless and unloveable. afterall, who could even put up with me??

after a few hours or so of that I watched glee. freaking awesome. Kurt is just epic. and the best Christmas gift idea for sue was obviously a soul. everything makes me want to jump up and down and squeee and have it all be perfect. just like when Santa decides to be that awesome. 

still kinda being emo and wondering what the point of anything is anymore. everyone just is. all the possessions mean nothing, the words that seem to have no meaning when they aren't  followed through action. everything just false and lies of what I really am.

<3 <3