friday. that's a good thing right?? WRONG. it means handing in sketchbooks to be marked over the weekend. it means no one showing up for rehearsal. it means going to look at a house that's on top of a blueberry farm. it means crying and shoving your face with candy and chocolate and falling asleep by accident for 3 hours straight. although, it's not so straight..
I believe friday is one of the gayest days of the week. the day of gab, if I was ever allowed to go. If only my mom wouldn't promise to let me go and then decide she's too tired to take me to the skytrain and won't let me bus into town. just like that, the little piece of my day that I was looking forward to so much and my only reason to wake up this morning, is gone. instead I get to see my horrible family. the one who always end up going on about how I need to get all As and go to UBC and I have to be all 'fashionable' and such. the ones who don't understand me, or at the least bit, even try. I am not a conformist. everything they want for me is what I spend my time fighting against. they don't hear my cries for help.they don't know anything.
today I actually had to hide. in the doorway to my closet. I don't exactly know how I feel about that. usually closets repel me. today is different. today I was confused. not so much about my sexuality, but gender. every last trace of girl annoyed me. but give it a couple days and I'll be fine in a tutu and itty bitty tank top. or something of the sort. what does this mean?? could it just be my way of wanting to change to be with the one I love without her having to come completely out of her comfort zone? as if the teenaged years aren't hard enough in the first place. but the thing is, I love her so much it hurts. everyday I drag myself out of bed, knowing I won't see her and I don't know when I ever will. It kills..
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