sooooo. today I saw santa, then went to an awesomesauce craft store. my mom should know better than to take me to craft stores. I want to buy everything. this time I escaped spending just over $10. 18 gauge silver wire, elastic so I can make tutus (when I get tulle), and multicoloured hemp. yes, there is such a thing as rainbow hemp. it is epic. also, rasta hemp and this cool mix of pastely purpley blues. but rainbow. LEGIT!!!! it is pretty much making my life right now. I refrained from getting the $15 rainbow feather boa and the rainbow ribbon. sad thing is, the craft pliers that I went in there for, I didn't end up buying. oh well, got enough awesomeness to last me awhile.
in the midst of my epic OMIGAWDS RAINBOWS outburst I have decided I might have the balls to start a GSA at my school. I was going to do it at my old school, but my mom decided to move me out to richmond. so I was like, FINE! I'll go to the school with the awesome gay art teacher and chill with him. and then yeahhh... I read the ENTIRE begining section of the agenda and could not find info on starting a club, so tomorrow I will find the time and figure it out. cause this is going to be epic. time for rainbows, loud and proud. which reminds me I REALLY want to go around to all the stairwells that say palmer pride and change it from writing in navy blue to rainbow print. because I'm that epic.
but then again thinking about the epicness of everything I tend to realize that my hometown, the one I'll be spending all next weekend in, is totally different. honestly, the things I hear about it, seems like I don't even know the place I lived for 15 years of my life anymore. I need to get back. I miss just wondering the streets by myself, being a loner and just knowing I was home. the whole freaking town I pretty much knew as if it were my own backyard. but now it's starting to be this distant land that I pass through once in awhile. I don't know how much longer I can handle being away. I mean, I know it's just a 30min car ride away, but in three months I've been missing more than it seems I was ever there for. it's like my mom's trying to force the world into making my past unrecognizable, into making every memory I have or I am in more and more hazy. as if it wasn't bad enough for her to move me because she was too selfish to commute the 30mins to work, now she has to take every chance she gets to keep me away from the place I love, and the people who make me happy. I'd give anything to be able to re-do the last three years, and enjoy every moment at home knowing who exactly was worth it, and who to just ignore.
the bitch tells me I complain every year about school, and it's just because I'm taking on more than the previous year yet again that I hate school. the part she doesn't get is that this time it's different. yes, I'm finding more and more people who I could see being pretty good friends, and some of my teachers are amazing, but I would trade it all in a heartbeat to be able to finish high school with the kids I've known for years, some of them since kindergarten or even preschool (when I was 3 years old). to be able to see the final changes to them before they go off to do wonderful things with their lives. most of all, to be home. because really, how long can one last in a place where they have no freedom and no space to just be. I miss the long, lazy summer days just sitting in hippy hills blasting red hot chili peppers, reading a book, drinking a monster. not a care in the world. but now it's all about making up tests I failed because the school system forces you to complete a certain level of academics even if it's harder than 4th year university when your parents went to school, and you don't have a single interest in pursuing a career that needs any of it. and rehearsing at least 8 hours a week for things that might never end up happening because no one even pays attention in rehearsal and the school thinks it's fine to just bump the drama department around for sports. plain and simple, school is bullshit. unless the school system were to look at each individual kid and customize a program for them, there's no point in expecting them to all pass. pretty much.. they can all suck my rainbow and come talk to me when they can tell me why I need gr.11 math to graduate.
pce
<3 <3
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