this ends tonight.

he can't escape, can't awaken from this feeling. his soul is eating him alive and he can't help but be crushed under the weight of it all. but he tries to be strong, tries to forget everything's so fucked up and just be a man for her. around him the world is crumbling. every waking moment is a battle in his head, trying ever so desperately to hold on to something before he disappears completely. he needs something, someone to hold his hand, look him in the eyes, and tell him it will all be okay. he needs to feel the pressure of physical touch on his skin, give into the need his body craves so desperately. he gasps for another breath before being pulled under, into the pits of discomfort. nothing feels right. nothing fits. the screaming in his head can't get any louder. he can only sit there, unable to figure out what to do next. <3 <3

let's run away.

midterm season once again, although this time he's lost his motivation. he doesn't know how to make himself focus and study. he doesn't know how to detach from the world of his friends who get to fuck around whenever they please. he doesn't know how to stop wanting to cosplay when he doesn't even have many cosplayable fandoms. and not ones that anyone would do with him. he can't deal with all the homestucks when he just wants something simple. he wants to play with wigs and try his hand at sewing his own costumes and paint and props. he's found the door to this whole new world and he doesn't know how to make the time to step through the door to the other side. it's a whole new world he's looking for, a place where it's okay to just be whatever the fuck happens. it makes him happy yet it depresses him with how much he can't put in that kind of effort or can't measure up. he'll never seem to do anything well enough to be noticed. <3 <3